Humor

New Year’s Resolutions Celebs & Politicians Should Make for 2015

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Happy New Year! Get ready for a full day of listening to your friends, family, and every D-lister on the morning shows drone on and on about their 2015 resolutions. Diets, new jobs, and all the usual suspects will make the rounds no matter who you talk to, but here are some resolutions celebrities and politicians should be making if they were really being honest with themselves.

Rep. Michael Grimm

Start paying taxes; stop threatening to throw reporters off balconies.

threat animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Sony Co-Chair Amy Pascal

Leave racially insensitive comments to unfiltered grandparents during the holidays and not in emails to colleagues.

 

Justin Bieber

Start the Justin Bieber “Center for Kids Who Can’t Give Depositions Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.” Also, avoid Interpol.  

President Obama

Figure out a way to differentiate the Baltimore Ravens roster from the Freaks and Geeks cast.

james franco animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Kim Kardashian

Learn how the internet works; determine whether or not it’s actually “breakable.”

Zooey Deschanel

Don’t break any more horses.

smile animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Sen. Ted Cruz

Stop practicing puppy dog face in mirror. Face is beginning to get stuck that way.

ted-cruz-not-impressed

Courtesy of Twitchy.com.

 

Taylor Swift

Bring back surprised face–people seem to miss it.

reaction animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Shonda Rhimes

Take over ABC, rename Shondaland. Make sure all programming includes strong female lead with some flaws, an emotional kiss scene, and an improbable natural catasrophe.

scandal animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Charlie Crist

Track down promised campaign donation from the United Fan Makers of America.

 

Hon. John Dingell

Keep being awesome.

 

Mama June Shannon

Take a break from dating.

weird animated GIF

Courtesy of Giphy.com.

 

Former Rep. Trey Radel

Stop throwing stones from glass house.

What other resolutions do you think they should make? Let us know in the comments.

Chelsey D. Goff
Chelsey D. Goff
Chelsey D. Goff was formerly Chief People Officer at Law Street. She is a Granite State Native who holds a Master of Public Policy in Urban Policy from the George Washington University. She’s passionate about social justice issues, politics — especially those in First in the Nation New Hampshire — and all things Bravo. Contact Chelsey at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.
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