Gut Check

By Peter Davidson II | December 5, 2013

I was going to attempt to be more upbeat about the law this week, but I’m not there yet. Sorry in advance.

Anyway, one of my favorite people on the planet has decided to move across the country. I’m devastated. Inconsolable. Lonely. Sad. Jealous. Miserable.  [Insert other dramatic adjective.] The reason for my friend’s cross-country trip is that she is chasing her dreams. She took the brave steps of leaving her job, breaking her lease, selling her belongings, and pursuing an uncertain goal. She’s so brave, but I could literally never.

That’s the problem: my friend is following her gut, and I haven’t listened to mine in years. If I am going to be completely honest here, I’ve not been completely satisfied with the decisions that I’ve made in my life these past three or four years. It’s nobody’s fault buy my own, so I’m hoping that Law Street readers will use my story as a cautionary tale.

The gist of this story is to not be afraid to follow your instincts in life. I know that I always went with my gut when I was younger — specifically in high school and college. I think that as I grew older, and became an “adult” in my mind, I stopped trusting myself. Instead of doing what I felt was right for my own life, I jumped on a path that seemed to make the most sense.

I graduated college in 2008 and started my job two days later. I had no time to transition from the unrealistically fantastic experience of college to the very adult and very un-fun world of paying rent and bills. I freaked out about that change, and I have yet to stop freaking out. I decided then that I had to start doing adult things: working certain jobs and ultimately applying to graduate school. In making those adults decisions, though, I have been unfulfilled in my life. Here’s hoping you don’t find yourself in a similar position.

I’ve mentioned before the fact that I knew law school wasn’t for me. What I haven’t mentioned is that after my 1L summer, I called my parents and floated the idea by them of dropping out of law school. Being the amazing parents that they are, they said that I should think about it longer, mainly because they wouldn’t want me to have the legacy of a quitter (Side note: the old “we’re not angry at you, just disappointed” move STILL works. How do parents do that?!). I thought about it for a while longer, and with less than a week between 1L summer and the beginning of 2L year/OCI, I frantically called one of my law school friends. The conversation went something like this:

Friend: “Hey, are you back in town yet?”

Peter: “No, I’m still in New York.  I don’t know if I’m coming back. I don’t know if it’s worth being so unhappy.”

F: “Stop it — you have to come back. The hardest part is over, it can only get better.”*

P: “Yeah, but I don’t know if I want to be a lawyer. I don’t know if I want this life.”

F: “You’re being stupid, nobody wants this life! See you next week at school.”

P:  “You’re a terribly unsupportive friend and I will regret this immensely. Namaste.”**

And with that, I decided to come back to law school. I stayed and eventually graduated.  In a heartless, soulless way it all worked out, and is working out so far.

There are still so many things I want to do though, and I sometimes get a feeling that I should just “go for it,” and “take the next step.” Unlike my friend, though, I can’t bring myself to make decisions without a safety net beneath me. One of these days, though, it’s happening.

As the crapfest that is 2013 comes to an end (Thank You, Jesus!), I’ve decided that 2014 is the year of exploration, re-invention, and following my gut more.***  Who’s with me?!

*LIES

**This was at the beginning of my yogidom.

***Maybe

All .gifs provided by T. Kyle MacMahon from Reality TV .gifs.

Featured image courtesy of [Flickr]

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Peter Davidson is a recent graduate of law school who rants about news & politics and raves over the ups & downs of FUNemployment in the current legal economy.

Featured image courtesy of [Duncan Hull via Flickr]