A man who was being taken to the hospital in an ambulance last year, but somehow managed to jump out of it, is now suing New York City, the Fire Department, and the four medical workers in the vehicle. He claims it’s their fault that he injured himself in the fall, as they failed to stop him from jumping out of the ambulance.

This seems like a lawsuit that the plaintiff–Yaugeni Kralkin from Staten Island–could not possibly win. But the snag is that he was very drunk–by the time a second ambulance picked up the then-unconscious man and took him to the hospital, his blood-alcohol level was .34. So it was likely higher when he was in the first ambulance.

For the record, you are not allowed to drive in New York when your blood alcohol concentration is .08 or above. A level of .16 can cause severe impairment to speech, judgment, and memory and cause unconsciousness. A blood alcohol level between .31 and .45 is life threatening.

So considering the amount of alcohol Kralkin, who is 56, had in his blood, it is safe to believe he didn’t make very thought-out decisions that night. Kralkin said he had just returned from a long-haul drive to California–he drives a truck–and was looking forward to seeing his wife and son. But he got into a fight with the son, and hit the bottle.

“Your honor, had the city not supplied the ambulance, I could not have jumped out of it.” https://t.co/9N3JdZoKsQ

— Andrew Harris (@amharris26) June 20, 2017

He said he bought a bottle of cognac and ended up outside a house in the neighborhood, but he doesn’t remember what happened after the ambulance showed up. He did however suffer bruises and cuts after tumbling out of the ambulance. His lawyer Borislav Chernyy said:

He certainly did get himself out of the ambulance, but our position is that he was so grossly unsober, he had so much alcohol in his system, that the condition he was in rendered him the equivalent of helpless, absolutely helpless to make informed decisions about his own safety.

The lawsuit states that the four medical workers “permitted” Kralkin to jump out of the moving emergency vehicle, and that after he jumped, they “failed to properly diagnose, treat, care and transport Plaintiff.” It allegedly took another 12 minutes before he was transported to the hospital, this time without exiting his vehicle, as he lost consciousness in the fall.

Kralkin’s lawyer argues that the medical workers were at fault for not stopping Kralkin. He is seeking damages as well as compensation for his medical bills. But the spokesperson for the medical worker’s union, the Uniformed EMTs, Paramedics and Fire Inspectors F.D.N.Y. Local 2507, says there is no way they could be held accountable.

“What is this E.M.T. supposed to do to stop somebody who loses control of themselves and does something crazy like that?” Robert Ungar, the union spokesman, said. He added that EMT workers don’t have the legal authority to hold someone against their will, and they are not armed. A stretcher in an ambulance is not that hard to break out of, and if someone tries to do something out of the ordinary, the EMTs are under no obligation to get into an altercation. We’ll have to see if Kralkin’s lawsuit ends up being successful.

Emma Von Zeipel

Emma Von Zeipel is a staff writer at Law Street Media. She is originally from one of the islands of Stockholm, Sweden. After working for Democratic Voice of Burma in Thailand, she ended up in New York City. She has a BA in journalism from Stockholm University and is passionate about human rights, good books, horses, and European chocolate. Contact Emma at EVonZeipel@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Man Who Drunkenly Jumped Out of Ambulance Sues New York City appeared first on Law Street.

On Thursday, a Muslim man in Dearborn, Michigan filed a class-action lawsuit for $100 million against Little Caesars Pizza which, he claims, sold him a pork pepperoni-covered pizza falsely labeled “halal.” The lawsuit, filed in the Wayne County Circuit Court by Mohamad Bazzi, alleges breach of contract, negligent misrepresentation, unjust enrichment, and fraud.

“It’s really upsetting,” Bazzi’s attorney, Majed Moughni, told the Detroit Free Press. “My clients want the public to know. Especially during Ramadan,” he added, referring to the month-long Muslim holiday that began on Friday, “it would be a travesty if Muslims…in Dearborn bought pizza from Little Caesars and discovered they were eating pork.”

The lawsuit describes the incident: On March 20, Bazzi says he was halfway through eating a Little Caesars pizza with his wife when they realized it was topped with pork pepperoni, not halal pepperoni. They were sure of the pepperoni’s nature, he said, because he used to work at a pizza shop, and his wife is a former Catholic who used to eat pork and can recognize its flavor.

Islamic dietary laws stipulate how certain foods are prepared and, in some cases, some foods, like pork, are banned outright. Much like the kosher meat of Jewish dietary law, halal meat is often prepared and butchered under the blessing of a religious leader. Dearborn, with its dense and thriving Muslim population, is home to a number of halal establishments. Many non-halal restaurants, like Little Caesars, offer halal options.

Jill Proctor, a spokeswoman for Little Caesars, said in a statement that Bazzi’s claim “is without merit.” She added: “Little Caesars cherishes our customers from all religions and cultures, and the communities we serve are very important to us. While we can’t comment on pending litigation, we take this claim very seriously.”

Moughni, who is representing Bazzi in the case, has a history of slightly bizarre legal claims. In 2011, when Moughni was running in the Republican U.S. House race for Michigan’s 12th District, he sued Facebook because it flagged his Facebook page in the run-up to the primary election. And in 2010, in a prescient lawsuit in the age of President Donald Trump’s “America First” platform, Moughni sued former Democratic congressman Rep. John Dingell for allegedly plagiarizing his “Make it in America” campaign slogan.

Alec Siegel

Alec Siegel is a staff writer at Law Street Media. When he’s not working at Law Street he’s either cooking a mediocre tofu dish or enjoying a run in the woods. His passions include: gooey chocolate chips, black coffee, mountains, the Animal Kingdom in general, and John Lennon. Baklava is his achilles heel. Contact Alec at ASiegel@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Man Sues Little Caesars for $100 Million Claiming it Mislabeled a Pizza “Halal” appeared first on Law Street.

A man from Texas was not happy with how his first date was going, and sued the woman he went out with–all because she was texting at the movies. Brandon Vezmar, 37, met his date online and invited her to go see the 3D version of “Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2” in Austin. But she apparently wasn’t as excited as he was to see the new blockbuster.

In the lawsuit, Vezmar says that the woman “activated her phone at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages.” He is now trying to get the money for the movie ticket back, $17.31. He also said it is a matter of principle.

“It was kind of a first date from hell,” he said. “This is like one of my biggest pet peeves.” According to Vezmar, he asked his date to stop texting, but she didn’t comply. He then asked her to do it outside, after which she allegedly left and never came back. That left Vezmar with no ride home, as they drove there in the woman’s car.

Obviously the internet had a lot of feelings about the unusual lawsuit and many people called Vezmar petty.

The fees he’s paying to bring this suit (filing + service: $121) are 7x what he’s asking for ($17.31).

Ridiculous.https://t.co/6CY7LPMiyT

— Brian Powell (@briandpowell) May 16, 2017

Vezmar said he texted the woman a couple of days later asking for the ticket money back. He didn’t think he got the full experience of the movie because he was distracted by her texting. In his lawsuit he cited the movie theater’s policy of no texting, saying that the woman affected everyone’s experience.

That’s going to put a huge damper on the second date. https://t.co/MDKxR3Dipp

— MagnoliaPeach (@magnoliapeach) May 16, 2017

“While damages sought are modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society,” the petition said. But the woman said she didn’t text more than two or three times, and only did it because her best friend had a fight with her boyfriend and was upset.

@NewsForrest Who takes a girl 2 a movie 4 a 1st date?! Umm ya can’t talk! Serves him right, she should counter sue him 4 being a self-centered douche!

— Asia McClain Chapman (@AsiaRChapman) May 17, 2017

The woman said she filed a protection order against Vezmar after he contacted her younger sister to get the $17 back. “I’m not a bad woman,” she said. “I just went out on a date.” It seems like Vezmar doesn’t mind the attention, as he started a Twitter account on Tuesday evening and started pushing out tweets about his case.

2/2 What contact after movie looked like: 1 text, 1 call, ignored > Text two days later getting serious > Lawsuit. pic.twitter.com/q4EOId868O

— Brandon Vezmar (@BrandonVezmar) May 17, 2017

Even the director of the movie weighed in. But he was probably the only one who took Vezmar’s side.

Why stop at suing? She deserves jail time! https://t.co/c41MWGz74M

— James Gunn (@JamesGunn) May 16, 2017

Emma Von Zeipel

Emma Von Zeipel is a staff writer at Law Street Media. She is originally from one of the islands of Stockholm, Sweden. After working for Democratic Voice of Burma in Thailand, she ended up in New York City. She has a BA in journalism from Stockholm University and is passionate about human rights, good books, horses, and European chocolate. Contact Emma at EVonZeipel@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Texas Man Sues His Date for $17 After She Texted During a Movie appeared first on Law Street.

Have you ever felt shorted by your barista during your morning Starbucks run?  You’re not alone: the company is facing a class-action lawsuit filed in the state of California last Wednesday for allegedly not providing latte drinkers with the promised amounts of beverage.

While the Tall, Grande and Venti cup sizes are meant to be 12, 16, and 20 ounces respectively, the lawsuit alleges that the cups are “approximately 25 percent underfilled.” The two plaintiffs, Siera Strumlauf and Benjamin Robles, appear to have done their research, as the lawsuit alleges that they “purchased and measured Starbucks Lattes at different stores, in different states, in different sizes, and in different flavors.” Alas, apparently none of them lived up to the amounts stated on the menu.

While to some, this may sound like a petty issue to sue over, the plaintiffs claim that their grievances go deeper than just being shorted a few ounces of sweet, caffeinated goodness, but may actually be a conspiracy by the company: “…by underfilling its lattes, thereby shortchanging its customers, Starbucks has saved countless millions of dollars in the cost of goods sold and was unjustly enriched by taking payment for more product than it delivers.” 

If you’re an avid Starbucks latte drinker, you may also seek to benefit if the Plaintiffs can successfully bring a case against the company According to Top Class Actions, if approved as a class action lawsuit, “…it will be open to all U.S. Class Members who purchased a Starbucks Latte” (apologies to all the Frappucino fans out there, you’re out of luck this time).

Starbucks, on its part, does not seem worried. The company issued a statement to Seattle P-I last Friday stating the following:

We are aware of the plaintiffs’ claims, which we fully believe to be without merit. We are proud to serve our customers high-quality, handcrafted and customized beverages. Hand-prepared beverages increase the likelihood of variations, as disclosed in the nutritional section of our website. Customers often prescribe for us how they want their beverage prepared (e.g. with room, extra foam), therefore beverage volumes are largely collaborative. If a customer is unhappy with their beverage preparation then we are happy to remake it to their satisfaction.

Whether or not the company will face legal consequences remains to be seen, but the question remains: is this just a frivolous lawsuit, or a campaign against corporate greed? Your call.

Mariam Jaffery

Mariam was an Executive Assistant at Law Street Media and a native of Northern Virginia. She has a B.A. in International Affairs with a minor in Business Administration from George Washington University. Contact Mariam at mjaffery@lawstreetmedia.com.

The post Angry Latte Drinkers Sue Starbucks for Underfilling Cups appeared first on Law Street.

How would you feel if the veterinarian treating your pet was recently accused of hunting and killing a cat? Wouldn’t you want the person taking care of your furry companion to show them complete care and respect? Well, you might not want Kristen Lindsey to be your pet’s veterinarian, then. Many are furious since the Austin County, Texas grand jury decided not to indict Kristen on animal abuse charges. While she was an employee at Washington Animal Clinic in Brenham, Texas. Kristen–whose full name was not disclosed–posted the following picture on Facebook, which shows her holding up a stray cat that she supposedly killed by shooting a bow and arrow straight through its skull.

The Texas veterinarian who bragged about killing a stray cat with an arrow won’t face charges. http://t.co/YomiNCX8NG pic.twitter.com/Pj6HPYAjDm

— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) June 25, 2015

The 31-year-old vet, whose full name was never released since she was not formally charged for this vicious act, originally made headlines back in April when the picture was first posted. Now she is infamously known throughout the world as an animal abuser. She quickly deleted the disturbing photo from her profile, although not before many saw it and screen-shotted the post–those screenshots ended up going viral. It was then brought to the attention of her place of employment. Kristen’s position was immediately terminated, although it does not seem that she will lose her license. The clinic also stated how sickened and shocked they were by their former employee’s actions, and begged customers not to let this one incident define their center.

It seems as if everyone was shocked by Kristen’s actions, given that her former workplace, the Texas Veterinary Medical Association, and other institutions she was affiliated with all expressed how upset they were with her. The deans of Colorado State University, where Kristen earned her veterinary degree, also announced how disgusted and disappointed they were with their former student’s actions. There were also multiple petitions created proposing that the vet’s license should be revoked, each with thousands of signatures.

This incident definitely appeared to be an act of animal cruelty and was being investigated as one, although it could not be proven that a crime even occurred. Animal rights advocates were outraged when this picture surfaced, and many urged authorities to arrest Kristen. Since investigators couldn’t tell when or where the supposed crime took place, they did not have enough evidence for probable cause. If sufficient evidence had been found, then a search warrant would have likely been issued, which then might have led to an arrest.

After an exhaustive court battle, the grand jury decided to rule the case as “no bill,” which means that there was insufficient evidence to charge Kristen with an actual crime. Much to many people’s chagrin, Kristen will get off with merely a slap on the wrist and a damaged reputation. After the ruling, many people gathered in front of the courthouse to protest this decision, although it can’t be turned around.

Reports state that Kristen later claimed that she only killed the suspected wild cat to protect her own pet from it, which would have made this incident legal,  although the post makes it seem as if she was hunting for fun and sport. Kristen appears to be quite proud of her kill, as she brags about her precise marksmanship and jokes about how she deserves a “vet of the year award” for her actions.

In what appears to be a blog created by Kristen when she was a student in veterinary school, she disturbingly describes herself as someone who likes to kill animals as a hobby. What’s also shocking is despite how grotesque and sad many people find this killing, the American Veterinary Society actually sees a bolt to the head as a humane way to kill a cat.

A resident of the town has come forward, claiming that the murdered cat is actually Tiger, a domestic cat who went missing from a local farm around the same time the image was posted and who distinctly resembles the slain cat. Despite there being many claims of the cat’s true identity, there is no confirmation of this since the feline’s corpse was never found.

However, this incident and Kristen’s pride in her actions don’t seem just in the slightest. Animal cruelty is a heinous crime, and people who commit this act should not go unpunished, particularly those who are trusted to take care of our pets.

Toni Keddell

Toni Keddell is a member of the University of Maryland Class of 2017 and a Law Street Media Fellow for the Summer of 2015. Contact Toni at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Texas Veterinarian Accused of Animal Cruelty After “Hunting” Cat appeared first on Law Street.

I have never owned a business. Truthfully, unless it is a business consisting of only me as an employee, I have no interest in owning one; however, there are some basic tenets  that all business owners should follow. For example, have a solid business plan; make sure to know, understand, and follow all applicable employment laws; and never, ever, ever slap your employees with a bearded dragon, especially if you have a video surveillance system set up (though, admittedly, that last one is pretty hard to follow when a dragon is sitting right next to you and an employee is being a sass mouth).

What? You ask. Why in the world are you telling me not to slap people with dragons? You say. That is such an obvious mistake that nobody would do it! You yell. I hate to tell you but you are dead wrong. I can say that people who assume nobody would ever use a dragon to slap another human are wrong all thanks to Benjamin Siegel. So thank you, Siegel, for your contribution to the ridiculousness that I so love to share with others.

Courtesy of Giphy.

Let’s talk a little about this interesting case. It all started (allegedly, of course) when this business-savvy pet store owner decided it would be a good idea to put a bearded dragon in his mouth, swing it around, throw it in the air, and then use it like an eighteenth century dueling glove (in other words, he slapped his employees with it).

Now, if you think this story cannot get weirder, you would once again be mistaken. You see, this is not the first time that Siegel’s store has made the news. A couple of years ago, it rose to fame as that place that held a cockroach-eating contest where the winner choked to death on bug parts. Yes, you read that correctly.

So what is being done to protect cockroaches, dragons, and people from the strange hands (and mouth) of Mr. Siegel? He was taken into custody and now faces charges of battery and animal cruelty. His attorney says he wants to hear all the facts before he comments. I assume this is just in case Mr. Siegel has a good reason for his action; however, short of ‘it wasn’t me,’ which, since it was on video, would be hard to prove, I don’t know that I will buy any excuses here.

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Dragon Tails: Bearded Dragon Slapping Leads to Legal Woes appeared first on Law Street.

I have a quiz for you (don’t worry, it’s only one question, it isn’t math, and it’s multiple choice): If your four pit bulls break through a fence and enter the neighbor’s yard, then kill Bailey the ten-year-old beagle that resides there, what do you do?

a. Apologize.

b. Offer to buy the neighbors a new dog.

c. Both a and b.

d. Sue the neighbors for $1 million.

Now this is kind of a trick question, I have to admit. You see, the answer depends in large part on the type of person you are. If you are anyone in the population other than Emerald White, you will probably choose a, b, or c (or whatever else normal people do when their dogs have just killed another dog). However, if you are Emerald White, you will choose option d.

Courtesy of Giphy.

Before you judge White (and I assume we you are all judging her and calling her crazy), let me tell you her side of the story. You see, she actually has a pretty legitimate claim: she was injured while trying to stop her dogs from killing Bailey. Her injuries were both physical and mental (she says the mental injuries are anxiety, fear, and trepidation, but I think her mental problems are something different entirely), and since her dogs cannot pay for her pain and suffering nor can the beagle, she has to find someone who can pay. Clearly it must be the Bakers, her neighbors.

During the dog attack, White received dog bites and “scratch-type injuries” as would be expected in the midst of this type of an event. She had to pull her dangerous dogs (as subsequently declared by the police) off of the beagle who had the audacity to both live next door and stay in his yard instead of laying around locked up in a kennel where all dogs should have the decency to stay–other than, of course, dangerous pit bulls.

All of this could have been avoided, White claimed, if the Bakers had done their job and kept Bailey better confined. Never mind that they had recently had part of the fence fixed to make it safer and more secure. It was not enough–if it had been, none of this would have happened. I mean, the Bakers had to have known they lived by these four dogs. I assume they were probably doing scary things behind the fence all the time like that dog from The Sandlot. So, since they knew all that, they had a duty to keep Bailey locked up inside because clearly the Whites could not keep dangerous animals inside their house.

Courtesy of Giphy.

Basically the Bakers were just asking for a fight, and White was the one that had to face the consequences when her neighbors got what they wanted. For example, outside of her injuries, she is now required to register her dangerous dogs annually, get a six-foot fence, and pay $100,000 liability on the dogs.

I have some advice for Ms. White. If for some crazy reason you do not win this case, I have someone else you can sue. In 1996, a Kentucky man threw a boomerang that then returned and hit him in the head, so he sued himself and won (and then his insurance had to pay the money, so all in all, it was actually a pretty smart idea by a guy stupid enough to hit himself in the head with a boomerang). Thus, Ms. White, maybe you should take a page from that guy’s book and drop the suit against the Bakers and sue someone who might actually be at fault: yourself.

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Woman Sues Neighbors After Her Own Pit Bulls Kill Their Beagle appeared first on Law Street.

Tomorrow is Halloween. It is the time of year when black cats and haunted houses start popping up all over the place, terrifying young children and adults alike. Do not let these fake terrors alarm you: Halloween is not any scarier than any other day of the year. This isn’t because ghosts, demons, and zombies do not exist, though, but rather because they are real – and they can pop up any day of the year. That’s right – you should never stop fearing!

So you don’t believe me, skeptic? Then let me tell you stories about eight “mythical” creatures and how they ended up in courtrooms around the world.

Fright Right: Vampire

Courtesy of Tumblr.

Courtney Royal, aka Vampish (sic) Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest (as he is known on court documents), is not pleased with a Texas jail that is refusing to accommodate his religion: Vampirism. Vampire High Priest is serving a lifetime sentence (which, since vampires are part of the undead, means he should technically already be free but let’s just ignore that for now) so it is extra important he is granted the right to be a vampire. After all, he needs blood to survive.

Since vampires are not a recognized religion in Texas prisons, Vampire High Priest had to file a suit for religious accommodation and $150,000 for pain and suffering. He might have to take a bite of a couple of fellow inmates for that blood supply, though, because his case was dismissed as frivolous (disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting he should bite his fellow inmates. Cannibalism is never the answer).

P.S., this was my favorite vampire case, but it was nowhere near the only vampire case. This is apparently a pretty thriving practice.

Para-aroma Activity: Demons

Courtesy of Giphy.

A house full of prank-loving demons would be bad on its own. But then you add in the fact that they are apparently very flatulent demons and all of a sudden it’s like you are stuck forever with the world’s worst roommates. (By the way, “fart demons,” as they are called, are now my favorite type of demons – to write about – they do not seem like something I would enjoy seeing…or rather smelling.)

A Romanian man, Madalin Ciculescu, sued a church, four priests, and a bishop because they did not exorcise his house of the odorous, trickster demons – though they told him they did. Ciculescu asked the men of the cloth to come in to his house after his TV kept switching off and on, a possessed hair dryer had a black shadow come out whenever it was turned on, and truly horrendous foul smells were all around the house (without even a “My bad,” to make the offense less rude).

The church claimed in court that it had properly exorcised the house and anything he saw or heard (or smelled) after (that word feels important to me) the exorcism were products of his imagination – or maybe just an elaborate way to get out of saying excuse me. The court agreed.

Hoax Story: Ghost

Courtesy of Giphy.

I could tell you about the guy who was fined in Portsmouth for standing in a graveyard and pretending to be a ghost by flapping his arms and saying “wooooh,” but that would be too easy. So instead, I am going to scare you with the “Tale of the Ghost Employees.”

Erwin Zambrano Moya is suing the Subway sandwich shop franchisee for whom he worked for employing ghost workers. Now, before you say Moya is a crazy person, let me state this up front: Moya is not the person who is crazy in this story. That honor belongs to his boss who circumvented paying overtime by paying a worker for up to 40 hours and then paying any other hours they worked to a “ghost” employee on the payroll who happened to have the same bank account or mailing address.  Both Moya and “Ever Ventura” (among others) got paychecks for hours Moya worked. After a couple of years of this, Moya and Ventura (who was probably paying taxes but was never actually receiving a paycheck) got fed up and Moya took it upon himself, his ghosts, his coworkers, and his coworkers’ ghosts to start a class action lawsuit in civil court. I have an eerie feeling he just might win.

Attack of the Religious Tomatoes: Monster

Courtesy of Giphy.

I’ve got to tell you. Prison is just no place for people with non-mainstream “religions.” If I didn’t convince you of this with the vampire case, maybe this one will do it. It is a cruel world when inmates cannot practice their constitutional-given right to be a Rastafarian from behind jail bars. Oh, wait. They can. My mistake; that was a typo. Let me try again: it is a cruel world when inmates cannot practice their constitutional-given right to be a Pastafarian from behind jail bars.

What, you ask, is Pastafarianism? Well, it is the self-proclaimed parody religion that claims the Spaghetti Monster created the world and that pirates were its early followers. The Oregon man who created the religion as a protest to teaching intelligent design in schools (demanding his faith in the monster be taught in school with the other religions) claims to have touched the lives of millions with his “noodly appendage.”

You can recognize a Pastafarian from the colander they wear on their head. Unless, of course, they are in the Nebraska State Penitentiary for attempted assault after chasing a couple with a hatchet. In that case, they might find out that the prison system discriminates against them for trying to live a humble life and follow the teaching of the Spaghetti Monster – saying they do not accommodate satirical religions. They might then have their colander taken away from them. Then they might sue for $5 million. Just ask Stephen Cavanaugh. Because everything I just said is true about him.

QuIT: Clowns (and not even the California machete wielding ones)

Courtesy of Giphy.

When you enter a haunted house, you expect to be assaulted. In fact, you most likely paid for that very thrill. However, I am willing to bet that when you signed up for the affront, you did not mean to allow clowns with sex toys to be the ones that did it.

If you attended the Massacre Haunted House in Illinois this year, though, you might have been out of luck in the ‘not being harassed by perverted clowns’ department. This is the case with Regina Janito, her 17-year-old daughter, and three other minors. When they got into the parking lot of the haunted house, they were met by two male clowns holding sex toys; one of whom allegedly poked the 17-year-old with the toy and made lewd comments, while the other supposedly mimed sex acts with the toy. It may not surprise you to learn that Janito has decided to sue.

In my opinion, there is not much scarier than creepy clowns, but sexual-deviant, creepy clowns are one of the few things that make the cut. I feel for you, Janito.

Little Sicky: Satan

Courtesy of Giphy.

Caius Veiovis, a Satanist and vampire (what did I tell you about these vampires) in Massachusetts with horn implants, green bones tattooed on his fingers, and 666 etched into his forehead, was recently sentenced to three consecutive life sentences for the kidnapping, murder, and dismemberment of three men. Upon hearing the verdict, he told the members of the jury that he would see them all in hell. So, have fun with that, his fellow inmates.

Plight of the Living Dead: Zombie

Courtesy of Giphy.

Donald Miller Jr. found out something interesting about himself in court last year: he is not one of the living. Miller died in 1994, but years later he returned from the unknown. Which is more than three years after he died, and three years is the statute of limitation for resurrections; thus, he is not alive; however, he is also clearly not dead. So, the only other option is that he is one of the undead. In other words, he must be a zombie.

Confused? Let me give you some more information. In the 1980s, Miller, an alcoholic, disappeared. In 1994, he was declared dead by a court and his ex-wife began to collect his social security benefits for herself and their two children. Then, one day out of the blue, Miller showed up and asked the court for his social security number and license back. He basically said, “Sorry. Didn’t realize this would be a big deal, but I lost my job, owed a lot of money, and thought it would be best to disappear for a while. But I’m back, so everything is cool. Just declare me living again, please.”

This was not as easy as one might think, though. First, the ex-wife said she couldn’t repay the social security benefits she had been receiving, and then the court said it didn’t really matter if she could pay because a death ruling cannot be overturned after three years. Actual quote from the judge: “I don’t know where that leaves [Miller], but [he’s] still deceased as far as the law is concerned.”

Watch out Ohio, the walking dead is in your midst.

The Unfair Witch Project: Witches

Courtesy of Tumblr.

Helen Ukpadio, aka Lady Apostle, is threatening to sue for defamation. And really, I cannot blame her. You see, the British Humanist Association and the Witchcraft and Human Rights Information Network made complaints that she was claiming children who cry or get sick at night are Satan possessed. These claims were part of documents that led to her being barred from the UK. However, the problem is Apostle has never once claimed this. It is an absolutely ludicrous claim intended to make her look bad. She does not believe that Satan is possessing children. She believes black, red, and vampire (there is that word again…) witchcraft spirits are possessing children and making them cry. Way different!

Apostle is a former witch herself, so she ought to be able to recognize witches. However, she is probably not as much of a Satan expert, so she would not presume to recognize his possessions. If she sues, she claims it will be for half a million pounds (about $806,000).

So, you see? When you are walking around this Halloween and you see a frightening costume, you don’t have to be scared. It is the monster lurking underneath the costume that might come after you. Good luck! Bwahahahaha…

Courtesy of Giphy.

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Court of 1000 Corpses: 8 Times Halloween Horrors Were Real appeared first on Law Street.

Every time I see a law enforcement officer in public — mall cop, fashion police, regular 5-0 — I have the irrational fear that they are out to get me. (This is especially true of the fashion police, but my fear of them might not be that irrational as anyone who has seen my clothing choices could attest.) I’m never doing anything I’m not supposed to be doing (or at the very least, I’m never doing anything I’m going to admit to you), but that doesn’t matter: I am sure I am about to be thrown in handcuffs and taken downtown. Little did I know, instead of fearing this, I should have been hoping for it. Just ask Elizabeth Daly or Mickey Lynn Goodson.

What’s The Legal Water-Drinking Age?

Underage college student Elizabeth Daly went to a grocery store and bought cookie dough and “sparkling water,” so she claims. And let me tell you, I would have been suspicious if I heard this story, too. Who buys cookie dough and water together? That is clearly a cover up. You drink milk with cookies — nothing else. Clearly the cookies were supposed to make her look innocent while she snuck out a whole lot of liquor in cleverly marked sparkling water bottles. She even went so far as to pretend to be buying these items for a philanthropy event run by her sorority. Yeah right, sister, sounds a little too good to be true if you ask me. And I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

As Daly left the store, plainclothes officers surrounded her SUV and banged on her windows — one trying to break a window while another drew a gun. Daly sped off, even grazing two officers on her way out. Feigning innocence yet again, she called 911 and reported the men as if she was not aware that they were cops. When she was told who they were, she returned to the scene of the crime and was arrested for eluding police and assaulting officers. (As it turned out, the case of beer she bought while underage — the event that caused the stop — was actually the case of sparkling water that Dalyt claimed it to be. So they couldn’t really charge her with that.)

Courtesy of Tumblr

Daly spent the night and part of the next day in jail. She also had to post bail, hire a lawyer, and miss school and social events. Her record was eventually expunged and all charges dropped, but it was too late for forgiveness at that point. Daly sued for $40 million. She settled for $212,500 though — which will buy a lot of cookies and water for her next event.

Of Mucus and Meth

When you are already feeling sick and mucusy, the last thing you want is to be arrested at your local Winn-Dixie for possessing controlled substances. I mean, it isn’t really fair. I know, personally, when my head is all stuffed up, the last thing I can think about is keeping my meth lab running. Perhaps Mickey Lynn Goodson looks smarter than me, though.

I can’t say what exactly about her was suspicious looking, but I can tell you what happened to her after she bought two pharmacist-recommended boxes of Sudafed. She was, of course, promptly arrested.

As many people know, Sudafed clears up your congestion, relieves sinus pressure, and helps build your booming meth business. Goodson claims that she bought the drugs for purely health-related reasons. But let’s face it. If I wanted to make meth, bought Sudafed for my basement lab, and then got caught, my first instinct might be to lie as well.

Courtesy of Quick Meme.

This must have been what the arresting officer was thinking too. Because after he stopped her and took her Sudafed, told her she had to wait for more officers, searched her car with the other deputies, took her to the sheriff’s office, asked to search her home, told her “Oh, I’ll get a search warrant,” held her for hours, arrested her on her own front porch, questioned her about what she had gotten rid of, and booked and charged her with possession of a controlled substance, he still wanted to find out more.

To further this goal, he really did go out and get that search warrant he promised Goodson and her husband he would get. How, you ask, did he show probable cause? Well, he informed the magistrate about all of Goodson’s false and misleading statements and evidence.

As it turns out, Goodson might not have been a meth maker after all. All charges were dropped against her. And she only had to put up with all that nonsense for 15 months so she really has no right to complain — I’ve had sinus infections that lasted longer than that (they don’t go away without Sudafed and I’m too scared to buy some). Still, though, complain she will…by suing in a Tallahassee court. Who wants to take my bet that she will win something here?

The moral of today’s post is that when you buy something — anything, no matter how innocent looking you think it might be — act really suspicious and maybe some bumbling officer will mistake you for a bad guy and make an arrest thus insuring all your debts are paid off and your next vacation is paid for. After all, it worked for Daly and Goodson, and they weren’t even trying!

—

Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured image courtesy of [epSos .de via Flickr]

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Careful When Buying Water and Cold Meds, You Might Just Get Arrested appeared first on Law Street.

Though I have spent the last few years living in the great state of New Jersey, in all reality I am a Southerner – as my dropped g’s and pronunciation of the number ten will attest. Next week, I will be getting’ over my homesickness with a quick trip below the Mason-Dixon Line – and hopefully when I return north I won’t have reverted back to my indecipherable twang – come on, ya’ll, I am to understandable.

As the North’s Southern representative, I’d like to start this post by answerin’ a few questions I’ve genuinely gotten over the years:

• No. I’ve never had road kill.
• Yes. Pen and pin are pronounced the exact same way – and don’t try to tellin’ me different.
• No. I’ve never been cow tippin’.
• Yes. SEC football is the best. Roll Tide!

Courtesy of Gifsoup.

Now that we have that all cleared up, I’ve got a doozy of a lawsuit for ya this week. In anticipation of my return to the Southland, I’m gonna get us all in a Dixie state of mind. Does what I’m about to say surprise anyone? Us Southerners get ourselves involved in some pretty weird situations. And what that leads to oft times is some pretty weird lawsuits. So sit back with a glass of tea (there ain’t no need to get more specific than “tea” – real tea is cold and contains a pound of sugar per gallon), and listen while I tell ya’ll about one of my favorites.

My college roommate was from Moultrie, Georgia. My mom has many a time had to go to Moultrie for work. Both my sisters went to college in a town not far from Moultrie. So believe me when I tell you that I have a real strong investment in keeping Moultrie safe. But if the local police force keeps spendin’ all their time firin’ people cause they’re white, then when’s any patrollin’ gonna get done?

When you go around suin’ your former employer because you say they forced you to resign cause you were white, you’d best have a real good case. So I’m sure Andrew Underwood came to court with a heap of a lot of evidence against the police department. On the other hand, maybe he didn’t respond to “specific record citations to the statement of undisputed material facts provided by the City of Moultrie and the MPD” thus allowing any of those facts the court thinks supported by evidence to be admissible.

Okay. Maybe the stuff claimed by the department wasn’t all that bad. Maybe they had such a bad claim, that Underwood didn’t even need to bother answerin’ them. Let’s just look at what the MPD said led up to the resignation, and then make up our minds.

Here is a list of things Moultrie claims make forced resignation justifiable:

•  Leavin’ your police car running, with the windows down, unattended;
• Exitin’ your police car before putting it in park;
• Runnin’ your police car through a red light;
• Forgettin’ to tell dispatch where you are;
• Causin’ an accident in your police car while talkin’ on a cell phone;
• Mysteriously damagin’ the rear bumper of your car and not being able to explain how it happened;
• Accidently shootin’ yourself with your police firearm;
• Losin’ a notebook full of incident reports, a pager, a gas card, and a $100 counterfeit bill;
• Leavin’ your shotgun on the steps of the police department;
• Not knowin’ how that knife in your trunk got there or if it was evidence; and
• Arrestin’ the wrong person.

Courtesy of GIPHY.

And let me tell you what, I left some of the claims out just for the sake of time. After readin’ all that, I guess I’d have to say that there is a good chance that Mr. Underwood simply forgot to respond to the department’s claims against him. But still, this doesn’t prove anythin’. They still coulda had a real problem with him bein’ white and just used all the above as an excuse.

After all, why did they do nothin’ about all this, which took place over a number of years, and then suddenly force him to resign? Oh…they had implemented a series of disciplinary tactics increasin’ in severity that ultimately led to the forced resignation? Huh. Mr. Underwood, I’m runnin’ out of ways to help you here.

Alright, I’ve got one more for you…would they have done the same thing if, say, Mr. Underwood had been African-American? Oh…they actually had an African-American female with a similar track record AND an African-American male with a substantially less embarrasin’ track record (who’s hirin’ the Moultrie police officers, by the way?) who were both treated in a like manner? I’m afraid you’re on your own on this one, Buddy.

The court and I agree: Mr. Underwood, you lose this one. But bless your heart for tryin’.

—

Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured Image courtesy of [The Bees Knees Daly via Flickr]

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post White Cop, Bad Cop: Idiot Is Not a Protected Southern Class appeared first on Law Street.

Law school can seem scary. And boring. And hard. And when you realize you not only willingly entered this scary, boring, hard institution, but you forked over a whole lot of money to do so, you might begin to ask yourself, “What in the world is the matter with me?” So, for all you 1Ls who have just started or who are about to start, I just want to let you know that mixed in with the all the serious, dry information you are going to read, which may or may not be useful in your future careers, there are some weird, ridiculous cases you will study that are going to offer you some much needed comic relief.

To prove my point, I am going to tell you about some of the more fun cases that stood out so much that I still remember them this long after I graduated. Not only that, but I managed to wade through my murky memory to come up with a case from five of the basic 1L courses…yes, even contracts. I’ll give you plots, but I’m not giving away endings here. There are no spoiler alerts — I don’t want any angry professors coming after me because students weren’t coming to class since I already taught them everything they needed to know.

The Haunted Property

In Stambovsky v. Ackley, 169 A.D.,2d 254, we learn that, yes, ghosts are real…or, well, at least, that a house can be legally haunted. This all began when Jeffrey Stambovsky tried to buy a house from Helen Ackley. Well, I guess it really started before he tried to buy a house from Helen Ackley. Like, say, when she started advertising the house as haunted. And I’m not talking about that one time she told a friend over coffee, I’m talking about real press advertising. That’s right, she put her ghost story in print — in both the local paper and in Reader’s Digest. She did not, however, tell the ghost story in the description of the house, or in the contract, or in any verbal communications that she or her realtor had with Mr. Stanbovsky.  And let me tell you, when Stanbovsky found out he had just purchased a bunch of poltergeists, he was less than pleased. In fact, he was so mad he wanted to get out of the contract (so see, really you’re getting two entertaining contract stories here).

Courtesy of tumblr.

Of course, Ms. Ackley tried say the ghosts had moved out — or didn’t exist — or were just a figment of her imagination. In other words, she was all like, “Are you crazy? Of course this house isn’t haunted! Where ever did you come up with such an idea?” (not a direct quote). But the court disagreed. They basically told her, “You can’t go around telling the press you’ve got a ghost, and then all of a sudden claim you don’t just to make a sale. You’ve got a haunted house, so don’t try to deny it.” (Again, not a direct quote.) But here is a direct quote for you: “…as a matter of law, the house is haunted.” Weird, right? But, does the fact that the house is haunted mean that Ackley was required to disclose this?

Moral Contracts

There is nothing worse than having a family member promise you something only to have him later say, “Haha, sucker, April Fool’s.” In the pivotal case of Hamer v. Sidway, 124 N.Y. 538, William E. Story II found this out the hard way. William E. Story the original, and also the uncle of II, told his nephew that all he had to do to get $5,000 (which is basically a whole lot of money seeing as how this case is really old) was to keep away from tobacco, alcohol, swearing, and playing billiards and cards for money — so basically don’t have fun — until he turned 21.

II really wanted that money, so he accepted and completed the challenge. When he turned 21, he asked for his money and was told the uncle wanted to hold onto it until the nephew was a little older, but he would get it with interest. So the uncle held onto it and held onto it until eventually he died still holding onto it. II transferred his interest to his wife who transferred her interest to someone else who said to the estate something like, “Hey, where’s my money?” They answered by basically saying, “What? You thought that was a real contract? Hahahahahaha…” with the laughter continuing for a while. This, of course, led to the interest holder going to court. But of course I’m not telling you the result of the court case here.

It’s Raining Cows and Torts

Whenever I am having a bad day, I just say “Well, at least a cow hasn’t fallen on my head today.” Because, let’s be honest, nothing that happened to me is as bad as that. On April 15, 1954 Fannie Guthrie could legitimately claim that she had a bad day because she couldn’t say that a cow hadn’t fallen on her head. In Guthrie v. Powell, 178 Kan. 589, Torts students learn about a fun little legal term: res ipsa loquitur. I’m not going to go into the legalese of that, but what I will tell you is this: if someone is on the first floor of a building where a public sale is taking place, has permission to be there, and is just generally minding her own business when unexpectedly (because there is no way to expect this) a six-hundred pound steer located on the second floor falls through the ceiling and lands on said someone, that person likely will sue using the doctrine of res ipsa loquitur.

I told my sister about this case, and she asked me a very logical question, one that most people would ask when hearing about a steer landing on a lady: “Oh no! Was the steer hurt?”

Courtesy of gifsoup.

Is Sexual Healing a Criminal (Law) Offense?

Since you all are going to law school, and not medical school, you may not yet know the following wisdom I am about to impart on you: if a “doctor” calls you out of the blue and tells you that you have a fatal disease that can only be cured by an expensive, painful surgery or by having sex with a donor inoculated with the vaccine, do not go have sex with that donor. There is actually no disease for which this is a recognized cure, I’m sorry to tell you. Unfortunately for Ms. R, she did not have me to guide her, and so she, not being a doctor and not being insured, felt she had no choice but to pay this donor to inject her. Turns out, this was all a fraud, so she called rape. But did the judge rule in her favor? Find out in Boro v. Superior Court, 163 Cal. App. 3d 1224.

Satan, Standing, and Civil Procedures

Satan and his staff are all pretty evil. So, it should be a safe bet to say that if you sue the devil, you are going to win (in court — I’m not speculating on what will happen to you when he gets you out from underneath the long arm of the law). However, in order to sue him, you have to be able to find him, because how else are you going to serve him his papers? Short of sending a poor clerk to the pits of hell, what should be done to make Satan pay for his crimes? Well, you can find out how to sue Satan in United States ex rel. Gerald Mayo v. Satan and His Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282, where Mayo claimed that the devil had, among other things, deprived him of some constitutional rights. (Or you can find out that you can’t sue Satan because of the very fact that they couldn’t serve process on Satan, but since I promised no spoilers, I won’t tell you which happened here.)

Courtesy of GIPHY.

So see? Law school isn’t always daunting and scary. Unless, of course, you’re scared of Satan, ghosts, and flying cows.

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Weird, True, and Freaky: Law School Edition appeared first on Law Street.

Corporations are legal people, right? They can commit crimes, they can sue other people, and they can vote…at least with their checkbooks. So why aren’t animals people? They can walk and have feelings and be family members; plus, they are just so cute when dressed in people clothes.

There is a real movement among animal rights groups to make animals people in the eyes of the court. Okay, okay. They don’t actually want them to be people, but they do want them to have legal standing to sue. And since people have taken animals to court before, I think it is only fair to finally give animals the right to retaliate.

People Trying Animals (In Court, Not at the Dinner Table)

Admittedly, the concept of a person suing an animal is an archaic one not used today, as far as I know. But at one point in history, mostly in Europe, it was an actual thing. A serial murderer pig kills a loved one in their sleep? Prosecute. A trained dog robber takes out one of their targets? Put that killer on the stand and condemn him to death. If they are capable of committing the crime, then they should be made to do the time.

Courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger.

Pretty much, if it could walk, crawl, fly, or swim, it could walk, crawl, fly, or swim itself to court. This includes insects (though that one baffles me the most. When an insect causes me harm, I practice a much quicker, more vigilante sort of justice.) And murder wasn’t even all these villainous animals could be and were charged with. A donkey once allegedly committed bestiality, but apparently she had enough character witnesses, one being the local reverend, to be acquitted (the same could not be said of her human paramour, who was sentenced to death). And sparrows were taken in for being too loud in church (I totally get this one. I have wanted to sue birds who were being too loud outside my bedroom window at ridiculously early hours of the morning on more than one occasion.)

Among other animals tried were those accused of being familiars to local witches, those suspected of being werewolves, and one particularly scary rooster – yes I said rooster, not hen – who laid a Satan-spawned egg containing a cockatrice (which, according to Wikipedia, is basically a two-legged dragon with a rooster’s head.)

Not only are the offenses serious, but so are the punishments when convicted. A pig was once “sentenced to be “mangled and maimed in the head forelegs,” and then – dressed up in a jacket and breeches – to be hung from a gallows in the market.” A sow was similarly convicted and sentenced to be hanged, though without even the dignity of a new set of clothes, which must have been extra humiliating.

On the other hand, the court was nothing if not fair. Sometimes the animals would be acquitted, such as in the case of the kindly donkey. My favorite ruling came when a group of rats failed to make it to court. Luckily, they had a good lawyer who pointed out that, as they were a wandering band, they may not have received their summons, and, even if they had, they may have been too afraid of the local cats. Since court is only a requirement when it could be gone to safely and the townspeople refused to lock up their pets, the case was dropped.

Animals Trying People (In Court, Not in the Woods Behind Your House)

In a more modern and more American context, animals and the court are becoming an issue once again. Only this time, it is the animals’ turn for revenge.

In recent years, it has become a point of question as to whether animals should have the legal standing to sue humans for animal rights violations. For example, should a cow be able to sue its potential slaughterer for not making it unconscious before turning it into dinner? Should Tommy the chimpanzee be able to sue his captor for keeping him imprisoned?

As crazy as being sued by your own pet may be, the other side of the standing is that without allowing animals to sue, there may not be another form of redress for these creatures. To have standing, you have to have an injury. When an animal is injured, a human most likely would not be able to get standing on behalf of the creature as the human was not the one injured. Thus, unless animal rights proponents can think of more creative defenses to stop the harmful actions, there is little that can be done to protect the animal.

The downside of allowing animals to become legal people is that they’d become legal people. Detractors worry that granting animals people status will only blur the line between man and beast. As if they think the right to sue is the last distinction we have to tell the difference between a fellow human and a zebra. If a cat can hire a lawyer and litigate, albeit through the help of a guardian, then what is to stop it from driving a car or applying for the position that you yourself wanted?

Courtesy of GIPHY.

The disparagers also say that this would encourage frivolous lawsuits – something that no true human would ever do. In a more reasonable stance, some animal suit critics are afraid that if animals can sue, they will sue such organizations as medical research labs and zoos, which in turn could shut down places that theoretically could help humans and the animals themselves.

If this debate interests you, I encourage you to do some research. You won’t believe the fascinating things you will find, and, at the very least, you can see some really clever titles. (My favorites are Monkey See, Monkey Sue and So Three Cows Walk Into Court….)

So far, animal suits have not been successful, but what do you think? Should the courts start allowing whales and snails and things with tails to take the stand?  

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Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured image courtesy of [istolethetv via Flickr].

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Standing on Four Legs: Animals and the Judicial System appeared first on Law Street.

I’m a messy eater — ask anyone who knows me. I can make a mess while eating plain bread. So if there is anyone who knows the importance of a steady supply of napkins, it’s me. And also Webster Lucas. Especially Webster Lucas. Because when he asks for napkins, he isn’t playing around.

Lucas recently filed suit against McDonald’s. McDonald’s has been sued many times, so this may not in itself surprise you; however, the claim in the suit just might. Lucas, having received only one napkin with his Quarter Pounder, asked for some additional ones. Instead of getting so many complimentary napkins that he couldn’t possibly use them all, thus ensuring a solid supply of backup napkins for the road as given by every other Mickey D’s, Lucas was told to make do with what he had. So he is now suing for $1.5 million.

Courtesy of Quickmeme.

(I don’t know any napkin synonyms, so please bear with me while I overuse of the word – it is hard to talk about a napkin scandal without constantly saying ‘napkin.’)

The Story

Lucas went to McDonald’s to eat, not to argue about napkins. I know this because when the napkin debacle occurred, he told his server this very thing. (As I usually go to fast food chains with the intention of getting in a fiery debate over a ketchup packet at the very least, I find Lucas’ plan here very strange.) Lucas pointed out that he should have gone to Jack in the Box, where napkins are apparently given in a non-Grinch manner. Unfortunately for him, Lucas did not go to Jack in the Box and he did argue about napkins, so overall the food trip was less than a success.

Lucas, a self-described clean person, realized two things at the beginning of this doomed hamburger visit: 1.) His table was crumb filled, and 2.) He only had one napkin. He wanted that napkin to wipe down the table, but he didn’t want to be left with just his shirt to clean his hands when he actually got to eat, so he went to the counter and asked for more. Employee Angel Arciga refused the request.

Courtesy of Tumblr.

(Quick aside: Was the napkin dispenser empty? Because how else would this happen? I need this to be explained as it’s driving me crazy.)

Lucas should actually be grateful that his problem was only a lack of cleaning material, by the way. In a London KFC, a boy was served a deep-fried paper towel, and I bet he wishes that place had a “wipe your hands on your shirt” policy in place.

After being turned down, Lucas claimed that Arciga began to have an attitude with him. When Lucas asked him why he was being so hostile, the man began to curse and mumble under his breath.

Despite how thankful he should be at not being served napkin for dinner, Lucas asked to talk to the manager and was aghast to learn that he already was. He got Arciga’s name, after a lot of “playing around” about the spelling, and left to go shoot off an email to Arciga’s higher ups about their customer service, or lack thereof.

The general manager of the store responded with a simple apology, a promise to investigate, and an offer of free food – there was no mention of whether free napkins came with the free burgers though, so I do not blame Lucas for being a little leery.

Courtesy of Wifflegif.

Mr. Lucas then talked to Arciga again, who apparently was asleep during customer service training class, and was again offended by his attitude. Because of his mental anguish and the intentional infliction of mental distress, Lucas was unable to work. This means he needed another source of income and getting $1.5 million from McDonald’s seemed a reasonable alternative, or, at the very least, he assumed that with that much money he could just use some measly twenties when his hands got a little greasy. Either way, the situation led to the suit at hand.

The Motive

Part of Lucas’ claim was that napkin-gate was racially motivated. That was his only rationale as to why his request was refused, and as I personally cannot think of many other good reasons, I have to concede that he might be right. (Though my other thought is that perhaps the store was almost or completely out of said napkins and, as the manager, Arciga was incredibly embarrassed at his lack of proper inventory stocking thus making him unable to divulge the shortage to a customer. But that’s just pure speculation on my part.)

Lucas, an African American, was eating at a place “filled with Mexican Americans,” Arciga being one. In fact, Lucas asked if this was all “because [he was] black,” and claimed that Arciga mumbled something under his breath – the only understandable words being “you people.”

Which brings me to a serious point directed to all businesses dealing with customers: take claims of discrimination seriously. It may seem like just a napkin, but one restaurant’s napkin is another man’s $1.5 million lawsuit. So make sure to give proper training, and when a customer complains about service, actually do something about it instead of making vague assurances.

Will McDonald’s have to fork over a million and a half dollars for its napkin drought? I’d say no – though sometimes a ruling will surprise and possibly offend you. However, I feel safe in saying that even if Lucas doesn’t win his suit or doesn’t get as much money as he wanted, the time, bad press, legal fees, and everything else that goes into a legal proceeding makes these the most expensive napkins in the history of the world. Though if we’re including paper towels…

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Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured imaged courtesy of [anaxolootl via Flickr]

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post The Case of the Million Dollar Napkins appeared first on Law Street.