Celebrities are often involved in lawsuits, and whether they’re the target or the plaintiff, most have pretty high powered legal teams to protect them. But occasionally they’ll have to sit through depositions under oath. What comes out of these depositions can sometimes veer into comedic gold. Check out the top five funniest celebrity depositions in recent years:

5. Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is known for the “Mission Impossible” films, his adherence to Scientology, and that time that he jumped on Oprah’s couch and it was super weird.

In 2013, Cruise’s relationship with Katie Holmes hit the rocks. In the tabloid fall out that followed, two magazines–In Touch and Life & Style–claimed that he “abandoned” his daughter Suri. During the lawsuit, he gave a deposition in which he had some pretty fantastically weird quotes.

For example, he explained why it’s just so much more convenient to fly on private planes: “Generally its easier, yes … it does save – it does save time. Sometimes the flight itself is longer if you have, you know…but yeah, it’s better. It’s much more comfortable.”

There was also an exchange in which he compared his job and resulting absence from his daughter to fighting in Afghanistan:

Lawyer:  ‘Now, your counsel has publicly equated your absence from Suri for these extended periods of time as being analogous to someone fighting in Afghanistan.  Are you aware of that?’

Cruise:  ‘I didn’t hear the Afghanistan, but that’s what it feels like, and certainly on this last movie, it was brutal.  It was brutal.’

While it’s easy to respect that Cruise deeply missed his daughter, comparing his absence to shoot a movie to a soldier deployed in Afghanistan went way too far, and showed how out-of-touch the actor is.

4. Kanye West

In 2014, Kanye West was served with a lawsuit in which he was accused of beating a photographer and smashing the photographer’s camera. During the deposition, which was obtained by TMZ, he had some fantastic standout quotes.

One of the best, and most humble, was: “I’m the smartest celebrity you’ve ever f—— dealt with. I’m not Britney Spears.”

He also didn’t take too kindly to the questioning from the plaintiff’s attorney, stating:

I’m in the business of trying to make dope s— for the world.  You’re in the business of representing scums and trying to make as much money as long as there’s this lapse in the law.

3. Paula Deen

Everyone’s favorite racist chef Paula Deen had to give a deposition after she was sued by a woman named Lisa Jackson, who claimed that Deen subjected her to sexual harassment and racial discrimination. Top quotes from the deposition included when Deen exclaimed that “of course she’s used the N-word,” and then when asked about the context explained:

Well, then, tell me the other context in which you’ve used the N-word?
I don’t know, maybe in repeating something that was said to me.
Like a joke?
No, probably a conversation between blacks. I don’t — I don’t know.

She also explained the other kinds of totally PC jokes she tells saying:

Okay. Would you consider those to be using the N word in a mean way?
That’s — that’s kind of hard. Most — most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks. Most jokes target — I don’t know. I didn’t make up the joke, I don’t know. I can’t — I don’t know.
Okay.
They usually target, though, a group. Gays or straights, black, redneck, you know, I just don’t know — I just don’t know what to say. I can’t, myself, determine what offends another person.

She also described a wedding she had attended in which the servers were all black men in suits as a “really southern plantation style wedding.”

While the lawsuit was eventually settled, Deen certainly didn’t come across as a bastion of acceptance.

2. Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne got into a legal battle with Quincy Jones III over the film “The Carter,” which was a look at Lil Wayne’s life. During Lil Wayne’s deposition during a countersuit, it was clear he wasn’t taking the whole matter too seriously. A section of the deposition is below:

If you don’t want to watch the whole video, top quotes include when Lil Wayne didn’t like the lawyer questioning him very much:

Lil Wayne: “What’s his name?” [referring to the lawyer]
Judge: “Pete Ross.”
Lil Wayne: “Pete Ross, that’s a stupid-ass question.”

He also consistently made no sense:

Lil Wayne: “[The judge] can’t save you.”
Lawyer: “What does that mean?”
Lil Wayne: “I was talking to myself.”

And generally gave some fantastic answers:

Lil Wayne: “How would I describe my image in the media? I wouldn’t describe it.”
Lawyer: “Well, how would you describe it if you had to?”
Lil Wayne: “I don’t have to.”

Lil Wayne ended up losing over $2 million to Jones as the result of the countersuit.

1. Justin Bieber

The winner of the funniest celebrity deposition, however, is Justin Bieber himself. He was sued in 2014 after his bodyguard allegedly beat up a photographer.

Bieber comes across as a supreme asshole, and the video is definitely worth a watch, but if you don’t get a chance, here are some of the better quotes. Both Usher and Australia seem oddly difficult concepts for Bieber to understand.

Photographer’s lawyer: Do you know Raymond Usher IV?
Bieber: No.
Photographer’s lawyer: Do you know an individual in entertainment by the name of Usher?
Bieber: Yeah. Usher. That sounds familiar.

Photographer’s lawyer: Do you remember being in Australia, ever?
Bieber: I don’t know if I been to Australia. [turns to his counsel] I been to Australia?

Anneliese Mahoney

Anneliese Mahoney is Managing Editor at Law Street and a Connecticut transplant to Washington D.C. She has a Bachelor’s degree in International Affairs from the George Washington University, and a passion for law, politics, and social issues. Contact Anneliese at amahoney@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Celebrities in Court: Top Five Funniest Celebrity Depositions appeared first on Law Street.

Scientology has long had an odd relationship with American celebrities. Some famous adherents include Kirstie Alley, Elisabeth Moss, Greta Van Sustern, John Travolta, and Tom Cruise. The Church of Scientology is also well known for using its substantial coffers to defend itself through litigation. It is within this context that HBO recently announced that it would be creating a documentary about the Church of Scientology and its celebrity followers. The company, probably wisely, is lawyering up before the release.

The book on which the documentary is based is called “Going Clear” and is written by Lawrence Wright. It focuses on the founder, L. Ron Hubbard, and the current leader, a man named David Miscavige, with particular emphasis on Scientology’s relationship to Hollywood and American celebrities–specifically John Travolta and Tom Cruise, as they are arguably two of the most famous celebrities in the religion.

The book makes some broad accusations, including abuse allegations against the church. The Church of Scientology, of course, flatly denies those claims. When the book was released, spokeswoman Karin Pouw released a statement said that:

The stories of alleged physical abuse are lies concocted by a small group of self-corroborating confessed liars. The hard evidence clearly shows that no such conduct ever occurred and that in fact there is evidence that shows it did NOT occur.

HBO claims that it has probably 160 different lawyers looking into the film–it needs to make sure that it is airtight before airing, because the company doesn’t particularly want to owe the Church of Scientology any money.

Media companies and media personalities have in the past tussled with the Church of Scientology, and not just in the courtroom. Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park, did a controversial episode entitled “Trapped in the Closet” in 2005 that made fun of the religion. The episode also makes fun of Cruise and Travolta (particularly rumors about their respective sexual orientations) and calls the religion a cult, which is pretty tame as far as South Park episodes go.

The Scientologists reacted very, very poorly. The religious sect started basically stalking and surveilling Stone and Parker, attempting to find something incriminating. Marty Rathburn, who used to be involved with the Church of Scientology, explained the kinds of things they would do to Stone and Parker, saying:

Phone records. Bank records. Personal letters that expose some kind of vulnerability. They’ll read stuff into the kind of alcohol you’re drinking and how much. Prescriptions. They’ll figure out your diet. They can find out a lot about you through your trash.

Back to “Going Clear” and its corresponding documentary. The Church of Scientology has already managed to mess with it a bit. The book was never released in the United Kingdom because the publishers were afraid that it would lead to a lawsuit. However, HBO truly has every intention of moving forward with the movie plan–160 lawyers and all.

Anneliese Mahoney

Anneliese Mahoney is Managing Editor at Law Street and a Connecticut transplant to Washington D.C. She has a Bachelor’s degree in International Affairs from the George Washington University, and a passion for law, politics, and social issues. Contact Anneliese at amahoney@LawStreetMedia.com.

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