We’re not even a full month into the new year yet, but without a doubt the armed Oregon protestors (aka terrorists) occupying a federal wildlife refuge building are poised to go down as the most mocked protest of 2016.

Why?

Well, for several reasons:

1. Their prolonged efforts to force the freedom of two local ranchers convicted of arson are pointless.
2. The federal government clearly has no intention of handing over federal lands to local authorities, per their request.
3. They forgot to bring the one essential thing they’d need to keep their lengthy stand going–food.

The OR militants have updated their wish list. pic.twitter.com/ZmDB3XC4Ag

— JJ MacNab (@jjmacnab) January 9, 2016

After realizing their error, the Oregon militiamen desperately took to social media to beg supporters for snacks. Once they presumably started receiving care packages from sympathizers, the protestors expanded their wish list to include luxuries like shampoo, french vanilla creamer, digital cameras, oven cleaner, and cigarettes.

People responded by sending dildos instead.

Oregon militia member Jon Ritzheimer scolded the sex toy-givers in a Facebook video message, in which he dramatically flung a pile of dicks on the floor.

Ritzheimer wrote,

It’s sad that there are people who would spend this kind of money on this rather than spending it to do good in the world. I’m done living in fear of an oppressing force.

Clearly, this guy can’t take a joke.

But package senders shouldn’t take it too personally, since he’s probably more pissed about the $70,000 a day a judge says he’ll order the group to pay in order to reimburse Harney County for security costs related to the ongoing occupation.

I’m still baffled as to why authorities aren’t being more aggressive in expunging the armed ranchers. However, recent reports claim the standoff could be nearing its end as occupiers prepare to hold a meeting explaining their exit strategy.

Needless to say, if these guys want to preserve what’s left of their dignity and their wallets, they should pack up their protest (and dildos) and head home.

Alexis Evans

Alexis Evans is an Assistant Editor at Law Street and a Buckeye State native. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business from Ohio University. Contact Alexis at aevans@LawStreetMedia.com.

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Today in the category of “news I thought was a joke but actually is real” we have people watching a puddle in the UK via Periscope, a Canadian company that sort of solved that debate about how dogs wear pants, and Oregon terrorist Ammon Bundy compared himself to Rosa Parks. Happy Wednesday, everyone.

In case you aren’t caught up on your crazy people in Oregon news, here’s the skinny. Over the weekend a group of armed men took over a wildlife reserve in Oregon. Fellow Law Streeter Alexis Evans wrote a good rundown of exactly what’s happening there, but long story short: there’s a standoff in which the armed “militia members” are demanding vague things about the Constitution and federal land and no one really knows when this is going to end (although law enforcement is developing a plan to deal with the situation.)

The entire thing has been bizarre and upsetting to say the absolute least, but it got even more bizarre and upsetting last night, when the ringleader of the group Ammon Bundy tweeted this:

We are doing the same thing as Rosa Parks did. We are standing up against bad laws which dehumanize us and destroy our freedom.

— Ammon Bundy (@Ammon_Bundy) January 6, 2016

That’s right–he compared their armed takeover of a federal building to Rosa Parks, who is basically the poster lady for peaceful resistance. Bundy’s group has made it clear that they’re willing to be basically the opposite of peaceful, given that they’ve said that, “if force is used against us we will defend ourselves.” Unsurprisingly, people are not happy with Bundy’s delusional comparison, and took to Twitter with some sarcastic and poignant responses.  

Newly discovered photo of the #RosaParks bus-jacking of 1955… #OregonUnderAttack pic.twitter.com/zlgKuluHye — Goldie Taylor (@goldietaylor) January 6, 2016

#AmmonBundy should bone up on his history; particularly in the area of civil rights. #RosaParks didn’t seek change via a gun-toting militia.

— Elgin Charles (@ElginCharles) January 6, 2016

Did someone named Rosa Parks get a $500000 government loan, arm herself, take over federal property & demand snacks? https://t.co/HE9RqazRj6 — sfpelosi (@sfpelosi) January 6, 2016

A list of people who should compare themselves to Rosa Parks: 1. Rosa Parks

— Virginia Montanez (@JanePitt) January 6, 2016

White people, we need to finally all agree that there is no context in the universe where we can compare ourselves to Rosa Parks. Just stop. — Andrew, 2016 Edition (@Truly_Defective) January 6, 2016

Cliven Bundy: “You know, black people was better off being slaves.” Ammon Bundy: “Shut UP, dad, we’re TOTES Rosa Parks!”

— GAIL SIMONE (@GailSimone) January 6, 2016

Rosa Parks and Ammon Bundy actually have a lot in common both human same number of arms and legs weakness for hats — Adam Serwer (@AdamSerwer) January 6, 2016

So, Ammon Bundy did accomplish one thing with his Rosa Parks comparison–he made himself even less likable. 

Anneliese Mahoney

Anneliese Mahoney is Managing Editor at Law Street and a Connecticut transplant to Washington D.C. She has a Bachelor’s degree in International Affairs from the George Washington University, and a passion for law, politics, and social issues. Contact Anneliese at amahoney@LawStreetMedia.com.

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