When Lady Gaga was on “Watch What Happens Live” with Andy Cohen, he asked her what she thought of the twerking phenomenon that was sweeping the country.  (Sidenote: twerking isn’t a new thing, it’s just…a thing. Whatever). Anyway, Gaga said, “I think that people should stop putting the letter ‘T’ in front of the word ‘werk.’”

I agree, but what about putting a “net” in front of “werk”? Does that change the rules?

Hear me out.

Esquires are many.  JDs are more. Jobs are few. Careers are less. Sometimes you’ve got to get in where you fit in, folks.

We all know that applying for jobs is so much more than sending in your overly-impressive, super-stacked resume.  Sorry, but no one cares that you were number three in your class.  In 2013, you need to get out there and let the world know that you’re looking for a job.

What does that entail?

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, U.S. Postal Service, FedEx, UPS, carrier pigeons, messages in bottles, and much prayer to the God of your choosing.

“I’ve tried all of that, Peter, but I’m still sitting around eating left over Halloween candy in my underwear while watching Modern Family reruns! What else can I do?”

To be honest, I think that anyone eating monster-shaped Reese’s peanut butter cups in sweatpants with an active Netflix account is winning the game of life, but what do I know? For those that require a bit more for professional fulfillment, it’s time to go the Miley* route.

You have to use that body!

Tonight I am going to a networking event. Yes, the thought of it emotionally drains me.  Anyway, my Siamese twin RJ and I are going to get gussied up and smile in the faces of people who make a lot more money than us and are much more influential. We’re going to laugh at their jokes, look them in the eyes, and and take great pains to stick to two glasses of wine for the night.

The real werk starts way before the event, though. We’re putting on our best-fitting suits, crispest white shirts, shiniest dress shoes, and our best-smelling perfumes and colognes. I’ll probably run three or four miles to sweat out any toxins, and definitely plan on putting some Crest white strips on my teeth for 30-40 minutes mid-afternoon.

“Are you saying that how I look will impact my networking experience?” No. I’m saying it’ll affect your netWERKing experience. Do you follow?

People want to talk to people who are pretty. If they talk to you and you’ve got personality, they’ll like you. If they like you, they’ll remember you when job information comes their way. If they remember you, you’ll get a job faster. It’s science.

Ok, ok, let’s say you try all of the above and the event is still stiff. Maybe the small talk isn’t covering topics about which you know a lot of information. You then reach into your (figurative) bag of tricks and pull out the pièce de résistance, the “Netwerk” – patent pending. It’s not even hard.  You just pop a Miley*! Bend the knees, pop the hips, and re-state all of the phenomenal experience you gained during your various past clinics, internships, and jobs.

Not only will you likely be hired on the spot, they will surely put you on the fast track to a corner office. Trust me- I haven’t gotten where I am without a lot of netwerking, and I’m finally ready to share my secret. You’re welcome.

*Is Miley still who the kids are referencing? I’m desperately grasping to my quickly escaping youth.

P.S. For serious job search information, check out Alex’s Capitalista blog or our job list.

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Peter Davidson is a recent graduate of law school who rants about news & politics and raves over the ups & downs of FUNemployment in the current legal economy.

Featured image courtesy of [John Murden via Flickr]

.gifs courtesy of T. Kyle from RealityTVgifs

Peter Davidson II

Peter Davidson is a recent law school graduate who rants about news & politics and raves over the ups & downs of FUNemployment in the current legal economy. Contact Peter at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

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