As long as I have been writing about these weird legal cases, I have written on a shockingly low number of weird Alabama stories. And let’s face it: surely Alabama has some weird things going on in its legal system.

Has the fact that I lived in Alabama for 16 years made me biased? Am I hiding all the juicy gossip to downplay this great state’s craziness? Or have I really just not been able to find any good ones because I get too distracted by the oddities going on in Florida (and also in my current state of New Jersey where my bias has certainly not been showing)?

Whatever the reason I have been ignoring good ole Bama in the past, I am over it this week. Because I’m about to tell you all a story about the Alabama fashion police. You know. Since Alabama is so well known for its fashion forwardness and all that.

For those individuals out there who believe God only gets involved in big picture items, you will want to read this: it turns out you are obviously very wrong. Because God recently decided to give us all a fashion lesson of a very basic nature.

A civil council member in Dadeville, Alabama (where I am not from, thank goodness, since my fashion sense is pretty nonexistent) is trying to create a dress code that would ban, among other things, baggy pants.

I’m well and fine with that, personally, because I hate the look myself. However, why did Councilman Frank Goodman suddenly decide this should be his life mission? Because God, who I’m assuming got the idea after watching this year’s New York Fashion Week, told him to.

Okay. I admit, Goodman does not actually claim God spoke those words to him, but he does say that he has been thinking on this for a while. And more importantly, he has been praying about it.

What was the result of said prayer? Goodman–whose name seems very fitting in this story–determined that “God would not go around with pants down.”

Thank you for the info, Goodman. Because I have been wondering if that would be God’s fashion sense for quite some time now.

What is more, when Goodman asked God to show him if the councilman should do anything about the baggy pant epidemic, God gave him a pretty clear answer.

“He would show me this saggy pant,” Goodman told The Daily Beast, “—it’s one of the things He did not do. It is not in His orders to do that to gain eternal life.”

So there you have it, folks, right out of the mouth of some random Councilman in Alabama: wearing baggy pants is not one of the things you need to do to gain eternal life. Which is probably a big disappointment to the people who wear baggy pants, since I am sure that gaining eternal life was the sole purpose in the low-riding pants.

Now, there is some history in towns banning or trying to ban saggy pants. In that sense, this is not a unique story. However, as to my knowledge, this is the first time that the ban is being attempted on God’s direct orders.

I’m not exactly sure how saggy is too baggy, but if this dress code is passed, people of Dadeville, you just might want to invest in a good belt or two. After all, you don’t want to get a ticket from the fashion police–especially when those fashion police are being sent directly on God’s commands!

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

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I’ve heard about judges having very specific laws for their courtrooms before, but a judge in the Cook County Circuit Court, near Chicago, has taken quite an interesting step in that regard. Judge Gloria Chevere has started to fight against saggy pants in her courtroom–even throwing eight people in jail for the offensive apparel in the last three years. When defendants have come into her courtroom wearing pants she deems too low slung, she’s remanded them to jail for “direct criminal contempt.”

That really is pretty extreme–criminal contempt is defined in Illinois as:

Any conduct committed with intent to impede, embarrass, or obstruct the court, or to derogate from the court’s authority, or bring the court into disrepute.

The direct part just means that it is done in the presence of a judge–in this case Judge Chevere. Usually such a designation is reserved for something legitimately distracting–such as fighting, or yelling in the presence of a judge. It wasn’t just pants that got Chevere to invoke that designation though; she had 22 other cases of direct criminal contempt in her courtroom as well over the same period of time. She has now been assigned to a courtroom where she deals more with administrative issues because of worries that her constant throwing people in jail when she didn’t like their pants impeded justice somehow.

I’ve never been to Chicago, but I guess saggy pants don’t just get Judge Chevere up in arms. Apparently it’s a big problem in a small suburb outside of the Windy City, too, called Forest Park. Mayor Anthony Calderone himself proposed legislation that would not allow people to wear “pants or shorts falling more than three inches below a person’s hips and exposing that portion of the person’s undergarments, buttocks, pubic area and/or genitals.”

It’s kind of a weird proposal–it’s one thing to ban someone showing their genitals, but there are, I have to assume, public decency laws already on the books about that kind of exposure. This ban seems tailored at really one thing–a fashion trend that I probably hear people complaining about more than I actually see.

At first glance it seems kind of silly at best, but if you look more closely at the proposed rule, it’s pretty problematic. First of all, it seems to target a particular group–young black men. Those in favor of the ordinance deny that’s the intention. Mayor Calderone, said:

There are people on both sides of the issue. This doesn’t have to do with any sort of racial profiling what so ever. In our town, it’s not been any one specific color (race), it’s been whites and blacks.

While that could be true, the arguments about racial profiling are justified. Those who disagree with the ordinance argue that known discriminatory practices like stop and frisk could be facilitated by this new rule. If police officers can stop a young man from wearing pants that don’t fit the code, they may segue that into a more invasive interaction.

So if you’re a particular fan of sagging pants, don’t wear them in the greater Chicago area. Some places you might get thrown out of a courtroom, and in some you may break a law.

Anneliese Mahoney

Anneliese Mahoney is Managing Editor at Law Street and a Connecticut transplant to Washington D.C. She has a Bachelor’s degree in International Affairs from the George Washington University, and a passion for law, politics, and social issues. Contact Anneliese at amahoney@LawStreetMedia.com.

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