Though I have spent the last few years living in the great state of New Jersey, in all reality I am a Southerner – as my dropped g’s and pronunciation of the number ten will attest. Next week, I will be getting’ over my homesickness with a quick trip below the Mason-Dixon Line – and hopefully when I return north I won’t have reverted back to my indecipherable twang – come on, ya’ll, I am to understandable.

As the North’s Southern representative, I’d like to start this post by answerin’ a few questions I’ve genuinely gotten over the years:

• No. I’ve never had road kill.
• Yes. Pen and pin are pronounced the exact same way – and don’t try to tellin’ me different.
• No. I’ve never been cow tippin’.
• Yes. SEC football is the best. Roll Tide!

Courtesy of Gifsoup.

Now that we have that all cleared up, I’ve got a doozy of a lawsuit for ya this week. In anticipation of my return to the Southland, I’m gonna get us all in a Dixie state of mind. Does what I’m about to say surprise anyone? Us Southerners get ourselves involved in some pretty weird situations. And what that leads to oft times is some pretty weird lawsuits. So sit back with a glass of tea (there ain’t no need to get more specific than “tea” – real tea is cold and contains a pound of sugar per gallon), and listen while I tell ya’ll about one of my favorites.

My college roommate was from Moultrie, Georgia. My mom has many a time had to go to Moultrie for work. Both my sisters went to college in a town not far from Moultrie. So believe me when I tell you that I have a real strong investment in keeping Moultrie safe. But if the local police force keeps spendin’ all their time firin’ people cause they’re white, then when’s any patrollin’ gonna get done?

When you go around suin’ your former employer because you say they forced you to resign cause you were white, you’d best have a real good case. So I’m sure Andrew Underwood came to court with a heap of a lot of evidence against the police department. On the other hand, maybe he didn’t respond to “specific record citations to the statement of undisputed material facts provided by the City of Moultrie and the MPD” thus allowing any of those facts the court thinks supported by evidence to be admissible.

Okay. Maybe the stuff claimed by the department wasn’t all that bad. Maybe they had such a bad claim, that Underwood didn’t even need to bother answerin’ them. Let’s just look at what the MPD said led up to the resignation, and then make up our minds.

Here is a list of things Moultrie claims make forced resignation justifiable:

•  Leavin’ your police car running, with the windows down, unattended;
• Exitin’ your police car before putting it in park;
• Runnin’ your police car through a red light;
• Forgettin’ to tell dispatch where you are;
• Causin’ an accident in your police car while talkin’ on a cell phone;
• Mysteriously damagin’ the rear bumper of your car and not being able to explain how it happened;
• Accidently shootin’ yourself with your police firearm;
• Losin’ a notebook full of incident reports, a pager, a gas card, and a $100 counterfeit bill;
• Leavin’ your shotgun on the steps of the police department;
• Not knowin’ how that knife in your trunk got there or if it was evidence; and
• Arrestin’ the wrong person.

Courtesy of GIPHY.

And let me tell you what, I left some of the claims out just for the sake of time. After readin’ all that, I guess I’d have to say that there is a good chance that Mr. Underwood simply forgot to respond to the department’s claims against him. But still, this doesn’t prove anythin’. They still coulda had a real problem with him bein’ white and just used all the above as an excuse.

After all, why did they do nothin’ about all this, which took place over a number of years, and then suddenly force him to resign? Oh…they had implemented a series of disciplinary tactics increasin’ in severity that ultimately led to the forced resignation? Huh. Mr. Underwood, I’m runnin’ out of ways to help you here.

Alright, I’ve got one more for you…would they have done the same thing if, say, Mr. Underwood had been African-American? Oh…they actually had an African-American female with a similar track record AND an African-American male with a substantially less embarrasin’ track record (who’s hirin’ the Moultrie police officers, by the way?) who were both treated in a like manner? I’m afraid you’re on your own on this one, Buddy.

The court and I agree: Mr. Underwood, you lose this one. But bless your heart for tryin’.

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Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured Image courtesy of [The Bees Knees Daly via Flickr]

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

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