When I was young, my mom took my (even younger) sisters and me to a “Legalize Marijuana” festival. To be fair, she only did this because she thought it was the circus. How, you ask, could she possibly make this mistake? Well, it was very easy.

We were visiting my aunt at Florida State University (FSU). FSU has a clown school because, well, why wouldn’t it? (They probably prefer the term collegiate circus, but they are not writing this, I am.) Anyway, my aunt was attending the circus on the day we were visiting, and we were supposed to meet her there. She gave my mom directions that included something along the lines of “turn left at the stop sign, and when you see the big tent, you will be there.” My mom did get to that stop sign, but what my aunt had not predicted was that there would also be a big tent to the right of the stop sign. And as the tent to the right was visible from the sign but the tent to the left was not, my mom drew the conclusion that my aunt had given bad directions.

My aunt had not given bad directions. Which is how my mom and her three fairly young daughters ended up at a pot fair.

Let me tell you the conclusions a young girl at an event like this draws:

• Stoners are chill.
• College seems fun.
• All this was going on, and it wasn’t even 4/20.
• And I don’t care that those signs say no actual marijuana is present, there was definitely a lot of toking going on that day.

(My terminology on this topic may not actually have been that developed at this time, but you get the gist.)

Courtesy of Tumblr.

Does any of this have a point? Yes, of course it does. Because as it turns out, the FSU “Legalize Marijuana” fair is not the only fair in the country that – despite what their signs say – has marijuana on site. Take, for example, the Denver County fair where seven attendees entered a Pot Pavilion and were allegedly sickened, and at least one was hospitalized, after taking pot-laced candy that was sold as potless candy.

Though they were in the pot tent in a state where pot is legal, the victims actually did have every reason to believe that the only high they were about to get would be sugar-induced. Consider the following:

• The fair’s website clearly stated that there would be no pot anywhere on the vicinities.
• At least one drugged man, not buying the assertions of the website, claimed that he asked the vendor if the candy was laced and was repeatedly told no.

Being assured that what they just bought could legally be taken out of the state, each did what any sane person having just come into possession of chocolate would do: they ate it. And that is how they learned that vendors in pot tents are dirty liars. Allegedly.

Courtesy of Tumblr.

Shortly after eating the pot chocolate (like hot chocolate, except with drugs), the victims began getting sick. Two tested positive for THC-overdose. Reported symptoms included: vomiting, the feeling of “having a heart attack,” and of course the rage that comes from realizing you were just drugged against your will.

A class action suit has been filed against the manufacturer and the vendor.

The fact that we cannot eat candy without worrying about being poisoned with pot disturbs me (and that is not a joke). But I came up with a great solution (which is kind of a joke): let’s bring back food testers like royalty used to have. Those were the people who had to take a bite of the king’s food before he ate it. If it didn’t kill them, the king was free to eat (I’m not a poison expert, or anything, but aren’t there poisons that don’t kick in immediately? How long did they have to wait to get the green light to eat? I can’t imagine kings wanted to sit around while their food got cold. But I’m getting off topic…).

So anyway, we should definitely bring those back. I say we all have someone take a bite out of our food to make sure it is pot free. It will create more jobs, which will fuel the economy; and I predict it could become a competitive field. After all, I’ve been to a marijuana festival, so I can safely say that there are a lot of chill people out there who would be willing to help out humanity in this noble endeavor.

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

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