Every time I see a law enforcement officer in public — mall cop, fashion police, regular 5-0 — I have the irrational fear that they are out to get me. (This is especially true of the fashion police, but my fear of them might not be that irrational as anyone who has seen my clothing choices could attest.) I’m never doing anything I’m not supposed to be doing (or at the very least, I’m never doing anything I’m going to admit to you), but that doesn’t matter: I am sure I am about to be thrown in handcuffs and taken downtown. Little did I know, instead of fearing this, I should have been hoping for it. Just ask Elizabeth Daly or Mickey Lynn Goodson.

What’s The Legal Water-Drinking Age?

Underage college student Elizabeth Daly went to a grocery store and bought cookie dough and “sparkling water,” so she claims. And let me tell you, I would have been suspicious if I heard this story, too. Who buys cookie dough and water together? That is clearly a cover up. You drink milk with cookies — nothing else. Clearly the cookies were supposed to make her look innocent while she snuck out a whole lot of liquor in cleverly marked sparkling water bottles. She even went so far as to pretend to be buying these items for a philanthropy event run by her sorority. Yeah right, sister, sounds a little too good to be true if you ask me. And I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

As Daly left the store, plainclothes officers surrounded her SUV and banged on her windows — one trying to break a window while another drew a gun. Daly sped off, even grazing two officers on her way out. Feigning innocence yet again, she called 911 and reported the men as if she was not aware that they were cops. When she was told who they were, she returned to the scene of the crime and was arrested for eluding police and assaulting officers. (As it turned out, the case of beer she bought while underage — the event that caused the stop — was actually the case of sparkling water that Dalyt claimed it to be. So they couldn’t really charge her with that.)

Courtesy of Tumblr

Daly spent the night and part of the next day in jail. She also had to post bail, hire a lawyer, and miss school and social events. Her record was eventually expunged and all charges dropped, but it was too late for forgiveness at that point. Daly sued for $40 million. She settled for $212,500 though — which will buy a lot of cookies and water for her next event.

Of Mucus and Meth

When you are already feeling sick and mucusy, the last thing you want is to be arrested at your local Winn-Dixie for possessing controlled substances. I mean, it isn’t really fair. I know, personally, when my head is all stuffed up, the last thing I can think about is keeping my meth lab running. Perhaps Mickey Lynn Goodson looks smarter than me, though.

I can’t say what exactly about her was suspicious looking, but I can tell you what happened to her after she bought two pharmacist-recommended boxes of Sudafed. She was, of course, promptly arrested.

As many people know, Sudafed clears up your congestion, relieves sinus pressure, and helps build your booming meth business. Goodson claims that she bought the drugs for purely health-related reasons. But let’s face it. If I wanted to make meth, bought Sudafed for my basement lab, and then got caught, my first instinct might be to lie as well.

Courtesy of Quick Meme.

This must have been what the arresting officer was thinking too. Because after he stopped her and took her Sudafed, told her she had to wait for more officers, searched her car with the other deputies, took her to the sheriff’s office, asked to search her home, told her “Oh, I’ll get a search warrant,” held her for hours, arrested her on her own front porch, questioned her about what she had gotten rid of, and booked and charged her with possession of a controlled substance, he still wanted to find out more.

To further this goal, he really did go out and get that search warrant he promised Goodson and her husband he would get. How, you ask, did he show probable cause? Well, he informed the magistrate about all of Goodson’s false and misleading statements and evidence.

As it turns out, Goodson might not have been a meth maker after all. All charges were dropped against her. And she only had to put up with all that nonsense for 15 months so she really has no right to complain — I’ve had sinus infections that lasted longer than that (they don’t go away without Sudafed and I’m too scared to buy some). Still, though, complain she will…by suing in a Tallahassee court. Who wants to take my bet that she will win something here?

The moral of today’s post is that when you buy something — anything, no matter how innocent looking you think it might be — act really suspicious and maybe some bumbling officer will mistake you for a bad guy and make an arrest thus insuring all your debts are paid off and your next vacation is paid for. After all, it worked for Daly and Goodson, and they weren’t even trying!

—

Ashley Shaw (@Smoldering_Ashes) is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time.

Featured image courtesy of [epSos .de via Flickr]

Ashley Shaw

Ashley Shaw is an Alabama native and current New Jersey resident. A graduate of both Kennesaw State University and Thomas Goode Jones School of Law, she spends her free time reading, writing, boxing, horseback riding, playing trivia, flying helicopters, playing sports, and a whole lot else. So maybe she has too much spare time. Contact Ashley at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.

The post Careful When Buying Water and Cold Meds, You Might Just Get Arrested appeared first on Law Street.