Unfortunately, it’s a tugboat and not a yacht, but whatever, we’ll get there.
It’s the first full week of the year, which means everyone is likely back at work or school. I’m sure we are all sharing the same levels of excitement about that fact.
In the spirit of this new year, I’ve decided to come out of hiding. For the past four or five months, I have been a ghost. Something about my life not being “perfect” in comparison to everyone else’s made me a bit of a social recluse. Obviously I still showered daily, went to the gym, returned (some) texts and emails, and made rare appearances at events, but my calendar was mostly empty.
Now that I’m a real person again, I’ve been making an effort to see and speak with my friends from whom I hid for so long. The good news: they don’t all hate me for being a terribly selfish person in the last quarter of 2013. The better news: their lives are, in fact, not perfect. I repeat, they are living imperfect lives!
This fact may make me sound like a Debbie Downer who is all about ruining fun. Correct! I am.
More importantly, though, I was reminded of the all-important fact that the grass isn’t always greener. Through every problem that I thought I had, it turns out that I was not alone in my dramatic misery.
Problem 1: The Fun, Single Days are Long Gone
It turns out that this is a gross overexaggeration. Realistically, twenty percent of my friends are married, twenty-five percent are engaged, and thirty-five percent are in serious relationships. That leaves twenty percent of my friends to be single and fun with, but it’s not the same! Not to mention, I’m 27. That’s the age where it all starts happening: folks get married, have kids, and forget about me. ME!
Well, they may forget about me (all in my head), but they never forget about the fun years. Two things to think about:
1) Your married friends are jealous of you. Not all of the time; heck, not the majority of the time. Every once in a while, though, they have flashbacks to spring break 2006 and a single tear strolls steadily down their right cheek. That is where your power lies. Think about it: if you’re single, you can say “I want to hang out this weekend,” and it magically happens. When you’re married, it’s more of a “we want to see what you are doing three weeks from now when both of our schedules allow us to see you.” Being part of a “we” is fun, and maybe even the ideal, but sometimes they miss the days when being an “I” was enough.
2) Marriage/engagement/Velcro-relationships do not render your friends dead and gone. I fully and proudly admit that all of my friends have awesome spouses, many of whom I consider friends now. Let’s call a spade a spade: I like some of my friends’ significant others more than I like my friends. Now I’ve said it! And yes, if that statement worries you, then you’re the friend I’m talking about.
Moving on…
Problem 2: I Can’t Find a Job!
So, many people that I graduated with are still unemployed. That sucks, but your jobs are coming friends (this is my new positive outlook, courtesy of 2014). We’re only nine days in, and remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. In the end, you want your legal career to be like the Roman Empire anyway, right? Slowgoing at first, but after a few years it really takes off and you become a legal powerhouse. I mean, the Romans ruled the world for a very long time, but it took them a while to find their footing. Remember: if it’s good enough for Rome, it’s good enough for you!
In addition, allow me to shine some light in your tunnel of unemployment: working sucks. It sucks! I live in Washington, D.C., and it is currently seven degrees. (Oh hey, Polar Vortex). Do you know what seven degrees feels like? It feels like weather that necessitates a day in bed watching a “Vanderpump Rules” marathon on Bravo, hiding under eight different blankets, and spending unthinkable amounts of money on Seamless web. In other words, it’s a day in which one is not supposed to leave home.
But no, some gender-neutral person has decided that our society must be based on capitalism, so we need to go to work and make money. I have so many layers of clothing on that I look like I gained a solid sixty pounds in eight hours. It’s not attractive.
You, on the other hand, can sit on that couch, apply to jobs, and be comfortable in your underwear. I am not ashamed to admit my jealousy.
Problem 3: I Have a Job, but I Hate My Career
If you hate your career, start looking elsewhere. Get out of that job! Life’s way too short. It’s 2014, and we’re not taking any of the crap from 2013 with us anymore. Plus, you know what “they” say: the best time to look for a new job is when you have one. Try and be discreet about your employment desires, because the last thing you want to do is piss off your current boss. Wait until you’ve gotten the new job and your obligations with the current company are donezo.
But the new job is coming. I hope you leave all of the baggage from the Challenger-like tragedies of last year in a garbage can, along with that sequined New Year’s Eve dress and “2014” glasses. (Sidenote: those glasses need to stop being a thing — they’re disgusting.)
The Takeaway
Here is the moral: whether you’re single, married, fat, thin, freezing, sweating your buns off, or any other ends-of-a-spectrum comparison, there are always people who would trade their first-born children to be in your position. I mean, at least you’re not Precious, right?
So take your JD, your body pillow, your license to practice law, your recently delivered Chinese food, your snuggie, and your remote and enjoy where you are right now (on the couch). Once you enter this rabbit hole that is the working world, you will rarely have that luxury. And don’t spoil the most recent episode of “Modern Family!” I haven’t seen it yet.
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Peter Davidson is a recent graduate of law school who rants about news & politics and raves over the ups & downs of FUNemployment in the current legal economy. Tweet him @PeterDavidsonII.
All .gifs provided by T.Kyle from RealityTVgifs, and the ridiculousness of America’s Second Family, the Kardashians-Jenners-Disicks-Wests-Odoms-Humphries.
Featured image courtesy of [Toby Oxborrow via Flickr]