Most women can say with certainty that they have experienced sexism at work. It does not matter what profession or industry; at some point all women will come into contact with a coworker or boss who will look down on her simply for being female. It is frustrating, saddening, and often there is not much she can do to combat it–especially if the misogynist in question is her superior.
But if we do not fight it, nothing will change. And although we may not be able to come right out and say to their faces “you’re a sexist asshole,” we can stop that sexism from affecting the way we do our jobs.
1. #SorryNotSorry
It is a habit that I have noticed in myself and also in friends and female coworkers that we apologize–a lot. Most of the time the apology is unnecessary, and seems as if we are saying “sorry” for giving input, or for requesting something to which we’re entitled.
Watch the video below, produced and marketed by Pantene, as they take on this phenomenon.
Once you realize how much you say it, you can stop. When interacting with a misogynistic coworker, don’t apologize for things that don’t need apologies. Saying “sorry” only reinforces the idea that you are somehow weaker or less than. Put yourself on the equal footing you deserve.
2. Don’t change the way you look or dress.
How to spot a sexist: they will comment on your appearance. No, not compliment–I am not saying “you look nice today” or “I like that dress” are statements that are inherently sexist. More like “your skirt is too short” or “look at you in your sassy librarian boots!” (yes I have heard that before). Obviously, you should dress for whatever your profession may be, but if you are getting negative attention or you are told you need to dress more conservatively–don’t. Unless outlined in your contract, you do not need to dress a certain way. Wear what makes you feel confident and good, and don’t dress to please anyone else but yourself. When faced with negative or sexist comments about the way you look, don’t acknowledge them. Change the subject. Don’t give them the power to demean you.
3. Call them out on their bullshit.
Clearly, you may run into some serious “you’re fired” problems if you just up and yell at the misogynist for being a woman-hating imbecile. Good thing subtlety exists.
My favorite response is to ask questions. If someone–most likely a man–was given a project you deserved, ask why. If a less-qualified man is promoted over you, ask why. When you get vague responses in return, keep asking questions to force them to be more specific. Don’t lose your cool: stay calm and collected and watch them lose theirs. If you can do this in front of other coworkers, even better.
The most important thing to remember is this: don’t let people like sexist men or women hold you back from achieving your goals. One day, hopefully soon, we will live in a world where women are not seen as inferior simply because we are women. Until that happens, don’t be afraid to be you–the amazing, wonderful woman that you are.